There are only three obstacles to doing what matters most: confusion, temptation, and resistance, or some combination thereof. If you have difficulty doing what matters most, you may be under a false impression about whether you can overcome these obstacles....
I believe the essential purpose of a journal is to introspect one's emotions in private. Why do that? Well, first let's agree that introspecting one's emotions is a value. When you introspect, you answer the questions, "what do I feel?" and "why do I feel it?" By...
If you've been following my work, you know that I advocate pursuing all goals on the basis of "motivation by love," not "motivation by fear," because it's the only kind of motivation that can lead you to consistent success over the long-term. That's great in theory,...
I often hear from people who are paralyzed by fear of the unknown. They think they know the next step to take, but they are uncertain whether it will result the way they hope. If they knew, they would take it. Instead, they are stopped by fear. For example, a woman I...
In this article I am continuing my campaign to end the battle between reason and emotion. I'd like to address another facet of that battle: the problem of bizarre, intense emotions. First a story, then the explanation. Some years ago, I held a small monthly discussion...
Last winter I got a surprise. I saw for myself that some people are deeply motivated by a desire for destruction, as opposed to a desire to gain values. Perhaps I have led a sheltered life, or maybe I accept the people I meet at face value. But I took for granted that...
When you set priorities for the day, you accept a risk. If you do not finish those tasks today, for whatever reason, you will have negative feelings at the end of the day. At a minimum, you will feel sad, just from the failure to meet your own expectations. If...
As most of you know, I'm a thinker. I like to understand issues thoroughly before I act. I am happy to consider possibilities, work out consequences, and introspect my emotional reactions before jumping into action. However, I have learned the hard way that if I want...
If worries never break your concentration, congratulations. Most of us get stuck occasionally in a worry loop. For example, you might be trying to work out some budget numbers, when you start worrying about whether they will be acceptable to your boss. Each number...
When your thinking process feels stopped by too much on your mind, take a moment to distinguish whether your are overloaded or overwhelmed (or both at once). "Overloaded" is a cognitive state. It occurs when you are juggling too many ideas in your mind, perhaps...
I am often asked what's wrong with setting a goal to "be happy" or "feel good." The problem is that these "goals" are subjective — ultimately circular. Goals need to be objective. To understand that goals need to be objective, first you need to understand what a goal...
Burnout is a common problem. When you "burn out," you lose the motivation to do productive work that you have done in the past — and used to enjoy doing. There are three common sources of motivation: a personally meaningful (selfish) purpose, an inspiring person, or...
I’ve been asked to explain the difference between my Eyes-Wide-Open Decision Making Process1 and a typical decision process. The short answer is — my method offers a way to validate difficult decisions, when you can’t reach certainty. Many decision methods can speed...
I had a call with a member of the Thinking Lab the other day. He was concerned that he was reverting to some old behavior. He had changed jobs, and as a result he was very busy ramping up his knowledge and activity in the new position. He said it had occurred to him...
Some years ago I recommended the daily practice of identifying three good things that happen each day. This idea, which I got from Martin Seligman, helps you develop a more optimistic mindset. The original tip is also on the blog. In addition to making you more...
In the past, I've run sessions on "Rationally Connected Conversations" (RCC) an adaptation of Marshall Rosenberg's "Nonviolent Communication" (NVC). In one session I included Jeff Brown, a Certified Trainer in NVC, to discuss "How to say 'That's BS' in RCC." I...
The ideal relationship is open, honest, and equal. If you find that someone has lied to you or evaded, it puts the whole relationship in question. But I've noticed that some people jump to the conclusion that another person is dishonest without establishing it...
Whenever I hear myself or someone else saying, "I have no choice," I challenge that idea. You always have a choice -- and owning your power of choice has huge benefits. When you think you have no choice, that just means you've ruled out the other options that you see....
Perhaps the most important lesson I've learned in life is to treat struggle as an alarm that warrants your immediate, full attention. By "struggle," I mean "to proceed with great difficulty and effort." [Merriam-Webster] You struggle because the task is difficult...
A friend once told me about a man he knew who never interrupted. Call him the super listener. You could go to this super listener for business advice, and he would sit and listen to you as you talked and talked, never interrupting. Then when you were finished...
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