In the most recent article in this series on happiness, I mentioned that the next topic would be embracing causality. To be happy, you need to understand the causal factors that contribute to your present emotional state so that you can enact the causes that will...
Stress is a real mechanical phenomenon. The picture with this article is a graphic showing a "finite element stress analysis." It's important to see how pressure on one part of the material can affect the strength of the material — and perhaps cause it to fail. It is...
Guilt is the emotion that you feel when you believe you have failed to live up to your own moral standards. It is perhaps the most enervating emotion. It makes you want to curl up in a little ball to block it out and avoid it. But that is the worst thing you can do....
In my previous article, I recommended that you have a value orientation toward your past actions even if you made a mistake. If you're feeling bad about something that happened in the past, there is something to learn about it and something to heal. Emotions only...
It happens to all of us. You decide your priority, you sit down to work on the project, and for one reason or another you go nowhere. Maybe you're not doing the work — you're resisting it. Or maybe you're doing it, but slogging along without much to show for your...
I've had every motivational problem ever. So when a participant in Launch 21 reported that she suddenly didn't feel like doing anything, I knew exactly what she was talking about. I call this being in a "funk." Suddenly, you live in a world that has nothing to offer...
"Emotional resilience" is the ability to bounce back from emotional upheaval. You may have a moment of despair, but you recover quickly. Your buttons may be pushed, but you are able to be curious about your reaction and refocus on values. The key to emotional...
"Empathy" is a widely misunderstood concept. Understanding it properly is the first step to transforming your relationships with other people and yourself. Empathy is not the same as sympathy. Sympathy is a feeling you have in relation to someone else. You feel...
People sometimes come to me, distressed that they resist using "thinking on paper" or some other tactic. They are sure it would help them, they know that they can take the steps, but whenever the time comes to use the tactic, they feel a wall of resistance. This...
Do you find the term "anxiety" a bit puzzling? It's always been described to me as a non-specific fear. My fears are always specific, so I never knew quite how to differentiate fear from anxiety until I read an article about anxiety by Brooke Castillo that clarified...
Happiness is not a prize you get sometime in the future, after you achieve a goal, or pass a test, or become worthy. If you believe that it is a prize you have to wait for, I guarantee that you are struggling to achieve your goals. You are sabotaging your own...
I've become a fan of Brooke Castillo's "Self-Coaching Scholars" program. I find her methods to be a valuable complement to the ones I have already developed. She's helped me speed up how I deal with distracting, unproductive emotions, while still maintaining the...
I use "old baggage" as a generic term to refer to any recurring motivation that gets in the way of pursuing your goals in the present. For example, writer's block is caused by old baggage. So is fear of conflict, which stops you from having the conversations you know...
Sometimes when you feel blocked, the situation has a deep, painful, familiar feel to it. You say to yourself with a sinking feeling, “I’ve been here before.” When you recognize that old bad feeling, try this somewhat bizarre procedure from P. J. Eby to release its...
Introspection is your tool for understanding and shaping your own psychology. Often, your first identification of a feeling is the tip of an iceberg. There is much more work to do before you know what caused the feeling, and can disintegrate any self-defeating beliefs...
As I write this, we are shifting to a new phase in coping with the coronavirus pandemic. We are not in total shutdown. Businesses are opening up cautiously. People are interacting more, albeit six feet apart. Just as shutting down posed internal challenges, so will...
The common wisdom is that you need to forgive an injustice from another. If that means “to grant a free pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.)”1 then I am not in favor of it. I’m in favor of a just response. Admittedly, that is more challenging. Often...
Have you ever found yourself teleported to the refrigerator at the time you were supposed to be doing work? Or taken a “short” break to watch one video, then had that turn into watching an entire series? Or started to tidy your desk to settle down to work, and wound...
With 20:20 Hindsight, I wish I had written this article before the last one, which analyzed the relative merits of “Don’t Panic” versus “Keep Calm and Carry On” as advice. That may have been a bit esoteric for some readers. So, better late than never, here is more...
“Don’t Panic” “Keep Calm and Carry On” Are these two pieces of advice equivalent? No. If “Keep Calm and Carry On” is your mantra, you are more likely to maintain your equilibrium in turbulent times, such as the current coronavirus crisis. Why? First, “Keep Calm and...
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