The “AND List”
The "AND" list is a basic tactic for addressing resistance and temptation in the moment. You can use it when you aren't instantly motivated to do what you "should" be doing. This tactic helps you acknowledge your own mixed motivation so that you can act consciously and decisively in the face of it.
I've decided the "AND List" is important enough that I'm including it in my book, and probably in future all-day workshops.
Here's how you do it, in short: Write, "I am ambivalent" at the top of the page. Then list every evaluation related to what you can, should, might, or want to do--or can't, shouldn't, won't, or don't want to do. Start every evaluation with the word AND. When you have no more such thoughts to express, pause to re-read. Then make a judgement about what you will do.
Here are the detailed instructions:
1) Write down "I am ambivalent" at the top of a page.
It is important to acknowledge your motivational state in a neutral way.
2) Make an "AND list"
You will list of all your evaluations related to the action(s) you should, could, or want to do right now. For example:
I am ambivalent
AND I should make that phone call.
AND I don't feel like it.
AND it's really tricky.
AND I wish it were over.
AND I would rather get outside while it's light.
AND I need to figure out what to say in the call.
AND I need to get to the store before it closes.
AND I would like to take a break.
Notice that each statement following "I am ambivalent" begins with the word, "AND." In capitals. This little word is how you acknowledge that your motivation is contradictory and ambivalent.
There are three rules for the AND statements:
First, include thoughts that relate to a specific action that you could, should, or want to do now. This is an tactic to untangle your current motivation. Focus only on actions you are considering doing right now.
Second, every thought should express some kind of evaluation or intention regarding the potential action. Do not just make a list of options. This is a list of motivations, not of choices. You may have several different motivations for the same choice.
Third, it's important to get competing actions onto the list. To help trigger your thoughts about the competing action(s) (the ones that are not the one you "should" be doing), consult this list of intention words:
Might Might not
Have to Don't Have to
Want to Don't Want to
Wish to Don't Wish to
What are those other actions that are on your mind, that you shouldn't be doing, or wish you were doing?
When you have listed all the actions you can, should, might, or want to do--or can't, shouldn't, won't, or don't want to do, and have expressed your evaluations about them in an AND statement, you are done with this step. 10-20 items is common.
3) Review, Judge, and Act
Re-read your AND list. Cross out ones you reject. Circle important truths. When you are finished, ask yourself, "which of these actions am I going to take right now?"
Pause and listen for an answer.
That is your considered judgment. Then act on your considered judgment.
* * *
This is a simple tactic, very useful, which applies a communication idea to your personal thinking. The inspiration for the "AND List" is the "Yes, And..." mental set you use in improv (where you never say "no" to what the other person does) and the advice to replace "But" with "And" in difficult conversations. Try it, you'll like it.