Do you speak up about issues in your sex life with your romantic partner? Or about political issues with close friends and family who disagree with you? Or about fundamental philosophical differences with friends from work or school? Many people are afraid to discuss...
Emotional presence is a sometimes elusive state that is variously called being "in the moment," or "in the flow," or "centered," or "grounded," or "present." I think of it as a state of mental poise, which you achieve by being fully aware of your surroundings and your...
Every emotion needs to be introspected to identify the deep values at stake. Don't misunderstand this advice. I am not recommending that whenever you get triggered, you should stop whatever you are doing to go to your desk to work through an introspection tactic. My...
Last week I wrote about the problem with setting twofers as goals. Drafting that article took longer than I planned, as I mentioned. What I didn't say was that it took 5x as long as I planned! 14 hours! That was ridiculous in some ways, and okay in others, because it...
When your goal is really a “twofer" — two benefits you think you can get for the price of one project — it often turns out that you don't get either benefit. That's because a "twofer" doesn't guide action the way a properly integrated goal does. What makes something a...
When you set a challenging goal, you need to plan multiple ways to motivate yourself to ensure you follow through. There will be days you are distracted or have low energy. There will be unforeseen difficulties. Some of the necessary steps will seem like drudgery. You...
Are you still keeping your New Year's Resolutions? And/or working toward the goals you set for this year? Or did your plans flop? If you're thinking they flopped, you need a new way to set goals — one that motivates you to follow through instead of breeding...
In order to gain power over your own motivation, you need a rational morality — a self-consistent morality — that guides all of your choices and actions in a way that enables you to live, productively and happily, in long-term loving relationships over the course of...
I'm an advocate of routines — highly individualized routines. A good routine ensures you do what's best for you, without a lot of time or trouble. For example, routines for getting up and going to bed protect your time for sleep. When you're sleepy — in the morning or...
In the age of streaming video and audiobooks, many people turn to listening as their primary way of learning new ideas. This has some cognitive risks that aren't generally considered. If you are concerned with your operational intelligence, i.e., your ability to think...
Elsewhere I have argued on the importance of having a central purpose. To refresh your recollection, "a central purpose is the long-range goal that constitutes the primary claimant on a man’s time, energy, and resources." (Leonard Peikoff, OPAR). Recently I've been...
Much chronic pain can be eliminated by better posture, but good posture cannot be forced. Rules such as "stand up straight" and "don't slouch" can do more harm than good. Until it is fully automatized, a change in posture needs to be initiated and maintained...
For years, I've been arguing against a simplistic "just do it" approach to getting things done. That approach uses pressure as the prime motivator. But pressure sabotages your ability to think clearly and creatively. The alternative I developed is self-direction, a...
My mother had a few one-liners she used to encourage us. If you were in a funk, she would say, "You need to stand on your head." If you faced a daunting task, she would say, "Effort, St. Swithins!" I never did learn how to stand on my head, nor why St. Swithins should...
In my previous article titled So You Hate Your Job, I said, When you feel forced into a decision to take a job, it means you need to seriously look at the negatives of not taking the job. My Thinking Labber joked about being homeless if he didn't...
I had an interesting conversation the other day with a Thinking Lab member who has hated his job off and on for a long time and wants to do something constructive about it. The key word here is "constructive." People "hate" all kinds of things: the culture, how their...
It's a bromide that the holiday season can be stressful. There are plenty of reasons for that. Likely you have more social engagements than usual, so you have less time to yourself. You may undertake several seasonal projects with firm deadlines — decorating the...
If you've read my newsletter for a long time, you know a few things about my thoughts related to working on a deadline. I don't think it is ever wise to suppress your emotions (barring a literal life-and-death emergency) — a related discussion is here. Based on this...
I was recently interviewed on the Yaron Brook Show on the topic of "Motivation by Love." The main point of the interview is that it's important to go deeper to understand the source of your motivation for any action. The fundamental motivation needs to be the desire...
I have been reading and thinking about one paragraph a day from "Galt's Speech" from Atlas Shrugged. When I got to paragraph 75, I decided it needed two days of thinking. Then I decided I should share my chewing of this meaty and important paragraph with you. Here is...
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