How to Deal with a Defense Value of Approval
When the desire for approval is driving many decisions, it is a "defense value." It distorts your choices and actions and undercuts your successes and sense of self. Fortunately, this is a problem that can be remedied by taking an active approach to reprogramming your...
An Effective Way to Make Big Decisions
Big decisions can be made quickly and easily if you simply compare the best-case scenarios — and commit to doing the work to achieve the best outcome. This is a brilliant idea of Brooke Castillo's that cuts through fear, doubt, and uncertainty and propels you into...
A Big Goals List
Everyone can benefit from making a list of 25 amazingly big goals they wish they could accomplish in their lives. What counts as an "amazingly big goal"? By an "amazingly big goal," I mean something that seems audacious to you to set as a goal. It is something you...
Accuracy and Precision in Value-Judgments
In helping some Thinking Labbers make accurate, precise value-judgments, I was reminded of a song I learned as a child. The lyrics as I remember: Nobody loves me. Everybody hates me. I'm going out and eat worms! The first one was easy. The second...
Virtues: The How, not the What
Moral self-criticism doesn't need to be deeply painful, not if you interpret virtues as telling you how to be happy, not what kind of person you are. What??? I'm not saying moral self-criticism is going to be pleasant. A moral person is always going to feel some guilt...
A Constructive Attitude Toward Failure
We had an interesting conversation about "failure" on a Launch call recently. One of the coaches for the program asked if we shouldn't call a "failure" a "setback" instead. Calling the result a "failure" brought up a lot of old baggage and feelings of discouragement...
Clearing Emotional Baggage About Flip-Flopping on a Decision
I recently answered a query on LinkedIn: New LinkedIn data shows that the number of “boomerangs,” or employees who left a company for a certain amount of time and then returned, is rising — and it’s even higher at top employers. We’d...
The First Choice of the Day
As part of improving my sleep, I'm on a campaign to jump out of bed at a standard wakeup time each morning. Although I'm pretty consistent at getting up, sometimes I resist getting out of bed. I have applied everything I know about motivation to creating a process for...
Activating a Context Versus Triggering a Habit
Based on some comments I made in a coaching call, a Thinking Labber wrote to me as follows: I'm fascinated by the idea that self-sacrifice is an easily activated context and not a habit. I'd love to learn more about that, but I'm not sure of the...
Raising Baseline Happiness
In preparation for a new series of classes on "The Work of Happiness" in the Thinking Lab, I have been doing some high-level thinking about how you raise your baseline happiness. As I wrote in How Do You Measure Happiness?, your "baseline happiness" is the overall...